"Scheduling" Complaints

The question has been asked, "Do you let your kids argue back about things like chores?:

The short answer is no.  But it's really more complicated!  We have recently enacted a new policy about this since we are now entering into adolescence with TWO girls! (Yes...that is TWO!)

My girls are allowed to express their opinions to both their dad and me without consequence provided it doesn't break one of the following guidelines:

• The complaint may not be about a chore.  For example, if your job is to mop the kitchen floor you don't get to complain about it.  Ever.  Part of living in a home is learning to take care of a home.  Everyone in our home contributes to its upkeep!  (I'll try to remember to tell you about letting go of our cleaning lady so the girls could learn to clean a home.)
• The complaint may not take place during the activity.  For example, you don't like having to go to the Griffins game with the family?  You may schedule a time to complain about it and argue for your independence.  You may not destroy the family's evening by pouting all evening or complaining.  Failure to abide by this rule could result in a consequence such as the loss of iPod, computer privileges, time with friends, etc.
• Scheduling is up to mom (or dad...depends on the parent).  This morning I offered one of the Perrien children the option to complain at 5:30 tomorrow morning, or she could eat without complaint at the church's Knights of Columbus breakfast.  She chose the breakfast and it turned out to be pretty nice!

We are really trying to get out kids to think positively.  So much of adolescence of tied up in angst; we want as much of a positive environment in our home as we can manage.  When big "life" issues need immediate attention it is given for as long as necessary.  We use the above strategy (scheduling complaints) when the complaint is about unfair sisters, unfair parents, house rules, and chores.  

We have also started asking our soon-to-be-adolescent girls to state one positive thing that happened to them that day.  They tell us as they are heading to bed.  I have enjoyed this simple idea very much and in turn tell them one nice thing that happened to me!

'Till the cleaning lady story then...  Drive safely!

--Mrs. Perrien